Eaud

after 3 years

2009-08-15T18:40:29Z

i can't help it, i still miss you

eaud @ 2009-01-08T11:10:00

2009-01-08T17:11:25Z

livejournal.com/users/loroloro

eaud @ 2008-08-25T15:37:00

2008-08-25T20:40:05Z

free yoga, interesting people, met two dj kids, will learn to dj, staying up late, sweet conversations, great artists, amazing city.

i'm having a grand ol' time.

sailing away

2008-08-23T02:39:00Z

you're water, you're water, you're air now
and I'm not sure if I'll be okay
if I cannot breathe, cannot drink you
I won't last a day
please stay here,
stay here for awhile...

I think we figured something out. If only for a little while.

Think back. Think back to all those nights, days, weekends, and it finally hits you. None of this will be the same.

Shit.

eaud @ 2008-08-20T13:21:00

2008-08-20T17:23:04Z

I'm leaving soon. Please write to me, or send me stuff...I'll do the same.

Alison Divino
2 East 8th #1902B
Chicago, IL 60605

culture shock

2008-08-03T16:24:06Z

I need more time alone, space, and to read more. Right now I have less than 3 weeks before I leave for college. I need to see alex, cameron, sarah, and kayti before I leave. I have to visit my mother more often and spend less money. My bungalow is nice and a good place to be when you want to be alone. I've been reading books on Cambodia and short stories by (possibly) future professors. I'm spending lots of time with the people I'll miss the most when I'm away and I'm working at the best place ever. I'm thinking I'll truly miss working at Ce Fiore when I'm gone. I'll miss my boss, Seayoung, and Michelle. I'll miss free ice cream and the Sunday mornings I get to spend sitting at the computer or reading. Chicago will be good for me and I'm excited to embark on new friendships and hobbies. I'm planning on joining the Asian Student Organization, DJ Collective, and a few humanitarian groups. Next summer I want to go back to Cambodia and volunteer but if that doesn't work out I want to visit my family in Manila.

But as for now, I'm taking things slowly and hoping to get everything done before I leave.

eaud @ 2008-07-23T11:37:00

2008-07-23T15:37:56Z

i'm the best i've ever been and happier than ever.

eaud @ 2008-07-20T11:49:00

2008-07-20T15:52:27Z

This past week hasbeen hard--
I miss Southeast Asia, my mother and the time we had before I left. Now that I'm back, things have changed. Everyone I know is moving foward (as am I). Yesterday was nice because we just sat in the bungalow and talked.

eaud @ 2008-06-28T11:01:00

2008-06-28T15:03:38Z

even if i win the war, this is a battle i think i'll never win.

to hell and back

2008-06-23T16:26:08Z

oh lord, i'm overcome and wanting what is wrong. but if my struggle is a sin: i would go to hell, to hell and back again.

let sleeping dogs lie

2008-06-20T06:00:03Z

But maybe waking is harder than it seems. Desire for shared sleep, conversation, and emotional attachment dissolve when interrupted by repetition. But according to Kundera, we all "desire repetition". No, this just isn't fair.

can't sleep

2008-06-09T05:31:33Z

lately
i can't
sleep

and all i really do is read, work, talk, and think about what may happen in the future. all of this is good, i guess. i have a close friend, who is teaching me and letting me borrow books I should have read my junior year of high school. anna,kelley and i are moving out on the 28th to an apartment on barringer and willow. it's just for the summer. it's a beautiful and really close to ce fiore.

maybe then i'll be able to sleep, but now it's just not working

eaud @ 2008-06-01T14:54:00

2008-06-01T18:56:49Z

i rushed home, changed clothes, fixed my hair, looked up movie times and called you. and now i'm just truly hurt and can't wait to get out of this city. i was going to ask you to be my pen pal today but all i want to do is loose all connection with everyone i ever knew.

eaud @ 2008-05-28T11:14:00

2008-05-28T15:20:15Z

+ride bike
+read
+go to the library
+sleep in various parks for at least 30 minutes
+become a superhero for minimum wage workers during a time of crisis
+have more deep, meaningful conversations with him
+have more conversations with friends
+write letters
+watch movies
+go swimming
+save money
+make money
+learn how to speak thai before my time is up
+go to thai restaurants
+sublet an apartment
+learn math before June 3rd.

-eat qdoba

-have useless arguments.

nostalgic

2008-05-15T01:26:55Z

a few things keep coming back, like locust grove and blizzards. like the school of the blind after dark and the long long conversations after everyone has gone home. the walks on sketchy bridges and the constant reenforcement of law enforcement. the goofy seating arrangements and long awaited confessions. the "when-i-was-younger" stories and the lyrical text messages. but maybe what i'm missing now is that time you talked me through that blizzard, because you were aware and you made me think of that madeline song that i always think about when a guy becomes my best friend. you know, the piece that fits.

so i have to tell myself to not regret and that stuff like this only returns when nothing works out in my favor. and i guess that's what happened. i jumped to conclusions and ended something that i never really started. but i'm not supposed to regret because i had a reason. and so what if that reason fell through, moved on, and barely speaks to me anymore...it was still a reason. i can't go back on my word, so i'll wait, work, and travel.

eaud @ 2008-04-19T10:45:00

2008-04-19T14:44:09Z

after you look at it, it becomes something you just don't care about. all you want in life is for just that person to be happy, no matter who they're with.

nothing came out

2008-04-15T00:28:58Z

she told me about her yellow ~~satin~~ silk dress that she bought. and while she was telling me i was thinking about her break. her mother waking up early, buying her that dress. when she told me it was yellow all i could remember was that my dress was supposed to be yellow. and it all ends up here; we're never happy with what we have.

nothing

after four months of observing and wanting, it all worked out. everything developed and everything appeared. but as i am a girl who is consistently changing and reoccuring, i plan to throw this all away.

nothing came out.

we don't talk too loud. we mutter to ourselves to distance the crowd and i'm thankful. we don't act too cool, it's just bathroom humor from middle school, and i'm thankful. for all that suffers, all that pines, for the piece that fits, i'm glad he could be mine.

eaud @ 2008-03-18T15:39:00

2008-03-19T20:26:21Z

And all I want to remember about a year ago is that I ate the most delicious, healthy, meal for free. It has been nice to forget. When I do remember, it isn't so nice.

"The Kiss" by Klimt has been following me around. Ms. Collesano introduced us to the photograph a few weeks ago and today in Spanish Humanities it was presented in a project. And right now I'm on Kate Nash's myspace and the image that plays along with the song is "The Kiss" by Klimt. I do believe in fatalism, sometimes.

And as of now, everything that I want and need is everything I absolutely terrified of receiving. He apologized and I regret ever jumping to conclusions, but still, it hurts more than anything, to know that someone will forever not be on your side.

Loss of connection, loss of assurance I haven't memorized your face but a part of me believes we might get on.

eaud @ 2008-03-11T18:07:00

2008-03-11T22:08:47Z

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey everyone, look at this:

http://www.courier-journal.com/blogs/vel23/blog.html

scroll down, go to
ASK A YONG PERSON vol. 3

this was supposed to work

2008-03-09T05:36:32Z

and as i am open, i also want to feel closed
(this is the point of figuring out)

obviously things didn't go as planned.

here it comes! (again)

2008-02-21T17:38:45Z

The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Love in the Time of Cholera

(bible passage)

i've been meaning this (for a while now)

2008-02-18T22:57:54Z

Everyone believes their insights and judgements are correct, but normally they're not. It makes me sick that the people I have become accustomed to can't seem to become accustomed to me. It's not a healthy relationship when you can't tell me the truth to my face. And it's not because I'm with different people or your with different people all the time, it's because we don't make time.

And I've lost all faith in catty, beastly, un-happy, bitchy girls. There is obviously nothing between us if you can't even find time to make friendship your top priority.

I'm planning on living in new york for spring break.

there's just a lot of wrong.

eaud @ 2008-02-04T18:34:00

2008-02-04T23:34:53Z

YAY big fat crushes,
embarassing moments,
friendships,
and SPRING BREAK BODS.

eaud @ 2008-01-23T15:45:00

2008-01-23T20:50:27Z

alison really is angry with:
you
and you
and our future.

it's really selfish and upsetting but i don't want to share it with you anymore.

eaud @ 2008-01-13T17:06:00

2008-01-13T22:13:17Z

Good days
Bad days
fuck the in betweens.